Soul: Hope
"Why my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God." - Psalm 43:5
Hopeless. That word has enough power to drain the life out someone. And it did and has done that very thing to me this week. More times than I am comfortable admitting I have found myself ready to throw in the towel and spend my day curled up in my bed crying. The reason is simple: Loneliness.
I am currently single, and have not ever been in a "serious" relationship. There have been flirtations off and on, but never once have they stuck. And let's face it, after a while it gets to you. The vast majority of my friends are either currently involved in a serious relationship, well on their way to getting engaged, or are engaged. And lets face it, being the "single" friend who can never really relate anymore, starts to take it toll on you after a while.
Let me first say that nintey-nine percent of the time I can keep my feelings in check. Meaning I am ok with being single, with not being tied down. But there are those moments when it is really tough. I had one of those moments today, in my car. I had just finished the novel Austenland by Shannon Hale, a romance to the tune of Jane Austin's novels. Of course the main character Jane gets the leading Mr. Darcy-ish hunk in the end, which normally wouldn't have phased me, but today it hit a nerve.
I have read five light-hearted romances in the past two weeks, and I think that they have accumulatively made me feel Hopeless. Like I am going to be stuck reading or writing about a timeless love for the rest of my life instead of actually experiencing it. And I'm going to be real honest, that scares me. I do not want to end up alone, and with the constant reminders that I am, in fact alone, all around me I cracked.
It ended up with me hold up in my bedroom crying as I struggled to get a grip on my emotions. I gave up and decided to open a book by Sheri Rose Shepherd called His Princess. It is a book of scripture based love notes from God to his daughters. I prayed that the letter I needed most would be the one I randomly opened too. And it was. It was a letter about contentment. About the peace God has given us. My heart was still aching, even after praying, so I tried one more time. I flipped to a random page and this time the letter was about control. Relinquishing control of you life, and the storms you are going through to God. By the end of the letter the page was a blur through my tears. Only God could have directed me to the words I needed the most.
After closing the book I still needed more from him. I grabbed a devotional book by L.B. Cowman called Storms in the Desert for Graduates, where I flipped to the passage for today. I was greeted with this verse,
"Why my soul are you downcast?" Perfect.
With fresh tears streaming down my face I read on, being reminded that God's grace is sufficient, and that He holds me through the storms of life. That in fact there IS Hope! I prayed and in the place where I was hurting the most and I gave it all to God. I felt instant relief, and a new fresh breath in my lungs! He controls my future, and he has Mr. Right already planned for me. I just have to wait on his ever perfect timing.
You may not be feeling lonely, but perhaps you are stressed, or overworked, or fighting for air in the storm raging around you. Know that God is there with you, ready to "Calm you in the storm, or clear the rough waters,(His Princess)" so that, you can "Put your Hope in God!"
Hopeless. That word has enough power to drain the life out someone. And it did and has done that very thing to me this week. More times than I am comfortable admitting I have found myself ready to throw in the towel and spend my day curled up in my bed crying. The reason is simple: Loneliness.
I am currently single, and have not ever been in a "serious" relationship. There have been flirtations off and on, but never once have they stuck. And let's face it, after a while it gets to you. The vast majority of my friends are either currently involved in a serious relationship, well on their way to getting engaged, or are engaged. And lets face it, being the "single" friend who can never really relate anymore, starts to take it toll on you after a while.
Let me first say that nintey-nine percent of the time I can keep my feelings in check. Meaning I am ok with being single, with not being tied down. But there are those moments when it is really tough. I had one of those moments today, in my car. I had just finished the novel Austenland by Shannon Hale, a romance to the tune of Jane Austin's novels. Of course the main character Jane gets the leading Mr. Darcy-ish hunk in the end, which normally wouldn't have phased me, but today it hit a nerve.
I have read five light-hearted romances in the past two weeks, and I think that they have accumulatively made me feel Hopeless. Like I am going to be stuck reading or writing about a timeless love for the rest of my life instead of actually experiencing it. And I'm going to be real honest, that scares me. I do not want to end up alone, and with the constant reminders that I am, in fact alone, all around me I cracked.
It ended up with me hold up in my bedroom crying as I struggled to get a grip on my emotions. I gave up and decided to open a book by Sheri Rose Shepherd called His Princess. It is a book of scripture based love notes from God to his daughters. I prayed that the letter I needed most would be the one I randomly opened too. And it was. It was a letter about contentment. About the peace God has given us. My heart was still aching, even after praying, so I tried one more time. I flipped to a random page and this time the letter was about control. Relinquishing control of you life, and the storms you are going through to God. By the end of the letter the page was a blur through my tears. Only God could have directed me to the words I needed the most.
After closing the book I still needed more from him. I grabbed a devotional book by L.B. Cowman called Storms in the Desert for Graduates, where I flipped to the passage for today. I was greeted with this verse,
"Why my soul are you downcast?" Perfect.
With fresh tears streaming down my face I read on, being reminded that God's grace is sufficient, and that He holds me through the storms of life. That in fact there IS Hope! I prayed and in the place where I was hurting the most and I gave it all to God. I felt instant relief, and a new fresh breath in my lungs! He controls my future, and he has Mr. Right already planned for me. I just have to wait on his ever perfect timing.
You may not be feeling lonely, but perhaps you are stressed, or overworked, or fighting for air in the storm raging around you. Know that God is there with you, ready to "Calm you in the storm, or clear the rough waters,(His Princess)" so that, you can "Put your Hope in God!"
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